


Into Your Arms

by kallium9571



Category: Original Work
Genre: Choking, Dominance, Existential Crisis, F/F, F/M, FFF, Hair Pulling, History, Light Bondage, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Multi, Sculpture, Spanking, Submission, Survival stuff, THIS IS PURELY IMAGINATION, This isn't real although some locations are, megafauna, mentions of Broadway and Musicals, mentions of board games, mentions of card games, mentions of drinking, mentions of online games, mentions of other TVShows and movies, oblivious bisexuals, polyamorous, profanities, random facts about history, random inside jokes made during Junior Highschool, safe word, slight nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:08:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26592658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kallium9571/pseuds/kallium9571
Summary: "Don't fight against the ocean. Let the waves wash away your fears and anxieties.""You're not going to float, we're here to keep you afloat.""Let us take care of you."Cornelius, a 21-year-old college student, questions her sexual preference and is undergoing an existential crisis, found a home between two pairs of arms who warmly welcome her into their dynamic.
Relationships: Hazzel/Joey, Sydney/Cornelius/Alycia, Vincent/Alexander
Kudos: 4





	Into Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> If you see this "**" on either side of a chapter, it means there's sex scenes written inside. Read at your own risk, and read this when you're older!!
> 
> If you're younger than 18, you can bookmark this and read when you passed the legal age.
> 
> Happy reading!

I am nervous as hell. Random travels to cheap rented hotels near beaches couldn't calm my mind no matter how close I am to the shore. Honestly, I don't think nature and music can calm down my thoughts. Not even sleep can help if said thoughts kept haunting me left and right in my dreams. When you're in an existential crisis, questioning your sexual desires and wondering if you knew who you really are, I think you would have a hard time sleeping too.

When I was a pre-teenager, probably when I was fifteen or sixteen, I used to read polyamorous fanfictions of my favorite artists and shows. I was curious about how three or more people can handle their relationship. P**nhub didn't help one bit when I tried googling for answers.

I told this crisis of mine to my girlfriend, Jaime. I open up these things to Jaime. I asked her if she was willing to have a third party in our relationship or if she sees herself in a three-person relationship with me or with someone else. She answered no lots of times, saying that she respects my decision to be with another person in another relationship.

"If that makes you happy, I respect that. Even if I'm not your one and only, I respect that too," she told me before.

I know she didn't mean it in a threatening way but for some reason, I always feel guilty whenever I voice out my thoughts on the subject. After our talks about my blooming curiosity, I tried my hardest to suppress these desires the following days, thinking that maybe I was influenced by the fanfictions I read before and what I'm reading as of late.

It sounds odd, to suppress these thoughts but I can't help but be embarrassed about it. I always told myself if my girlfriend doesn't want to be in an open relationship, I should honor our monogamous relationship.

But why do I feel empty? Whenever I play online games on different servers alongside different people, I always feel dismayed when they disconnect after a few rounds of playing a game and having small talk in the chat sections. I gave them my twitter username and whenever I tried contacting them, I either couldn't find them or get zero response. I spent my lonely nights crying myself to sleep, watching You Me Her despite feeling jealousy and yearning whenever the trouple in the show kissed or talked about their relationship.

I talked about this to my ex-girlfriend's girlfriend Luna. She gave me a brief anecdote where she and Heather experimented and explored threesomes and foursomes during Senior Highschool. It was then they realized that there are times polyamory doesn't fit for a couple's dynamic, same monogamy doesn't fit for one too. I was shocked when Luna mentioned Heather being the most dominant of their dynamic, considering how we were vanilla during our love-making times back in Junior Highschool. I paid not much attention to the trivia, I concluded how Senior Highschool changed a lot of aspects in our lives and that it includes Heather and their private relationship.

I was still conflicted about myself. One evening, I packed a week's worth of clothes and went to the nearest and cheapest beach resort near my town in Parañaque. I spend a few days sitting near the shore, listening to the waves crashing, or sometimes to the Indie Pop songs I discovered on Youtube when I was in seventh grade. I tried calming my thoughts, looking for inspiration to jot down notes or short flash fictions inspired by the sounds of nature blending in with people.

It worked for a while, I kept my mind from thinking about being in a polyamorous relationship or about having a third party in Jaime and I's relationship. When it comes back, I always run away and not return for a week. It didn't help recently though when Jaime read the journals I brought during my weeks of recollecting myself. She was furious, insulting me and my "sinful" thoughts and desires of inviting another man or another woman in our bed. She broke up with me as soon as possible.

"If somebody asked who destroyed what we had, I am blaming you and your disgusting kinky fantasies!!" She screams right in my face before packing her things and leaving.

I didn't cry, I drained all of my tears wishing to have two or three pairs of arms around me, keeping me safe. But with one already left the picture, how could two, let alone three, pairs of arms keep me safe? Where were they when I needed them? Do they even exist, to begin with?

I became numb and depressed. Well, not clinically depressed but I was so, so sad. I wanted to drink the pain and the needs so desperately, I always bought vodka and other strong alcoholic drinks in the first few months after our breakup. When alcohol doesn't help, I try cutting and self-harming myself. When cutting doesn't help, I go back to drinking. I chose not to smoke because I vowed to never harm my lungs, I was afraid of having lung cancer. Funny how I’m afraid of lung cancer but not of liver cancer. How ironic is that?

I did many alternatives to keep my mind off of my thoughts, I continued studying History. I eventually transferred colleges from Academy AB-Visual Design and Communication to the University BA-History. My family didn't mind me switching courses and schools, I already finished my Freshman year with my Academic family and have gotten high grades. I joined the University's women’s badminton team and the Academy’s badminton team, yes they allowed me to be in their team despite transferring. I became a regular member of my apartment's gym. I later became one of my community's badminton coaches, the pay is good since parents wanted their children to be immersed in sports at an early age, and the elderly wanting to get their muscles working.

I guess you can say I've gotten my shit together, I only disappeared to the beaches whenever I need it. I still yearn to be in a polyamorous relationship but I'm too shy to use dating apps to get what I want. Or need, rather.

I went home a couple of weeks later to my studio-sized apartment in Manila after another unsuccessful "be one with nature" recollection I started when I was nineteen. As soon as I got home and scrolled through my Twitter timeline, I saw Hazzel's direct message inviting me and the other members of the Squad, the name of our group, a game of Among Us. In an instant, the group chat went wild. Alex insists us to watch Youtubers playing the game to familiarize and recognize the maps and the missions, and what to expect if you’re the Imposter or the Crewmate. Vincent and Joey was spamming the group chat, urging us to either download the mobile app or the computer/laptop, they even sent screenshots of the rules and regulations before telling us to download Discord and create an account.

From what I gathered and based on my cousins’ experience if you’re an Imposter, you sabotage the ship and kill the Crew as many as you can without either getting caught or accusing others. If you are a Crewmate, you have to finish your tasks, try to investigate who's the killer. Watching Youtubers was hilarious, they were chaotic, manipulative, and noisy. I spent a few hours watching their gameplay and studying their game strategies in hopes to apply their tactics in my own game with the Squad sooner or later.

Maybe a few rounds of playing with my friends can take my mind off of this bubbling curiosity inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I recently started to question myself a few months back, especially on what my sexual desires are in particular and as much as I want to run away for a whole week and figure it out by the beach, quarantine is still not yet over here.
> 
> I guess instead of going somewhere physically, I might as well dive deep into my thoughts and go someplace where I can get answers (even if the answers came from me sksks)
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this, let me know if I made the polyamorous relationship details accurate. I might make this a short series with character development (more excuses to research and find more things about myself).
> 
> That's all for today, stay safe and take care of each other. Until then, I'll see you in the next update, cheers!


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